Just another socialist twit

I don’t have much to say about La Resistance’s new darling, the upstart young socialist who defeated Joe Crowley in his own party’s primary and whose name I’m not going to use here because she’s getting way too much airtime as it is.  Just a quick reality check.  First, chicky-poo can’t run for President in 2020.  Sorry, the rules say you have to be 35.  Otherwise I’d be happy as hell for the Democrats to nominate her–President Trump winning 50 states would be pretty sweet.

Second, some people don’t seem to get that unseating a ten-term incumbent in his own primary doesn’t mean you inherit his seniority or position in the party.  Chicky-poo is going to be nothing more than a freshman Congressman from a fairly reliably Democrat district, and seeing as how her resume consists of “community organizing” and “waitressing” she’ll be given words to say and will trip up pretty predictably when she’s off script.  She’s already done it a few times.  But no, cupcake, it’s not that “President Trump can’t handle a girl from the Bronx” (which, you know, you’re not).  It’s that President Trump doesn’t care.

Third, and most importantly, despite how chicky-poo is getting all sorts of media attention and invitations to be on late night shows and legions of people declaring “well she’s crazy but she’s kinda hot” (which is more important than many people give credit for), the fact is that she won her primary because the usual Democrat voters stayed home.  Bringing her special blend of grievance group pandering and outright socialist insanity to this race is actually more of a threat to the Democrats’ hold on this particular House seat than anything the Republican challenger could possibly mount.  Lots of rank-and-file Democrats have been on a steady drip of lunacy for so long that they don’t notice that the dosage has gone up exponentially in the past twenty years, but a sizeable minority of what I call “nominal Democrats” (i.e. they’re Democrats because their family and friends are all Democrats and they really haven’t thought about it harder than that) are sobering up and peace-outing this crap.  Chicky-poo and her promoters could be in for quite a surprise if her coronation turns into an upset.

And finally, it’s worth repeating for clarity’s sake: this kid and the solid Democratic House district she’s running for are beyond irrelevant.  She’s not going to become the Democrats’ second in command if she wins, she’s not going to suddenly become a favorite for their 2020 nomination (or even their 2024 nomination since she’ll still be under the age requirement), and when it comes right down to it, her ninjaing this nomination out from under a Democrat stalwart actually weakens the Democrats even if she wins.  Hell, it even makes a “when she wins” into an “if she wins.”

President Trump doesn’t need to “handle” her.  If anything, he and the GOP (especially the guy running for this seat on our team) ought to be smiling.

laughing in president

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Thought better of it

Hey folks,

I’d planned to do a post today and got it written up and even found an image or two to go with it…but then I had some second thoughts.  So, it’s not that I’m slacking off again, it’s that this one is really better left undone.

So here’s a cat picture instead.

kitty!

You literally cannot be in a bad mood of any kind after seeing this.  You’re welcome.

Buy your own sandwich

Bob and Joe went to work for the same government agency.  As they were completing their orientation, they were both told “oh by the way, there’s an organization here that buys everybody’s lunch every day.  The price is deducted from your paycheck and everybody benefits, so you’re required to be part of it if you want to work here.”

And Bob and Joe both asked “uh, okay…what’s for lunch then?”

The organization representative said “About half the time we get Arby’s and the other half we order in from the deli down the street.  Nothin’ gets you through the day like a half-pound of thin-sliced roast beef, am I right?  Oh, and we also pay for a premium membership at the butcher shop downtown so we get first pick when the good bacon comes in.”

Bob said, “Okay, I’m cool with that.”

But Joe said, “Wait a minute.  I’m a militant vegan and I think meat is murder, and also icky.  I don’t want to be part of this organization and I sure don’t want my money to go towards it!”

And the rep said, “Too bad.  You’re required to be part of the lunch group as long as you work here.  It’s in the rules.”

Joe replied, “But I don’t want your yucky sandwich and I’m opposed to what you’re doing!  You can’t make me give you my money!  Just leave me out of this!”

The rep scoffed.  “Well aren’t you selfish.  It wouldn’t be fair for you to benefit from all the work we do if you didn’t pay your share!  Freeloader.”

Joe was starting to get angry.  “I’m not benefiting, you’re doing something I don’t believe in and making me pay for it!  I’m going to human resources about this!”

And Joe did.  Human resources took a look at it and said, “Hmm, well, we think you’re right, Joe.  You shouldn’t have to pay for this.”

And the lunch group representative cried out, “But what about Bob!  What about everyone else who wants to be part of the lunch group!  This is a massive setback to collective lunch-ordering rights!”

Joe kind of gave the rep a funny look.  “Um…you can still order lunch for Bob and everyone else who wants it, dumbass.  You just can’t make me pay for a sandwich I don’t want and other stuff I don’t approve of.”

“But THAT’S NOT FAIR!  How’s the lunch group going to fund our biweekly barbecues if we can’t skim money from everyone’s lunch dues?”

“Um…pay for it yourself, cupcake.  No one’s stopping you.”

“But…you benefit from us ordering lunch!  You can’t do it without us!”

“Uh…yes, as a matter of fact, I can order my own lunch just fine, thanks.”

So Joe went on eating silly things like hummus and bean sprouts and Bob continued to have his share of the lunch group dues deducted from his paycheck, and everyone was more or less fine unless they happened to be in the men’s room when Joe took the other stall, except for the guy who headed up the lunch group who never could quite wrap his head around the idea that Joe and the other folks who didn’t want to be part of the group really weren’t getting any sort of benefit from lunches they didn’t want.

 

In case it’s not obvious, this is the Janus decision in a nutshell.  Nobody but nobody is being prevented from joining a union, they’re just not being forced to have their pay garnished to fund Democratic campaigns and interest groups anymore.  As Seth Mandel put it on Twitter, “Janus is one of those cases that was so obviously decided correctly that the liberal complaint “if only we had Garland” is both a massive self-own and an unintended insult to Garland’s supposed moderation.” (Do note, commenters indicate Mandel is or was a NeverTrumper who really ought to be doing fewer victory laps and more mea culpas in light of this week’s 5-4 wins that are directly the result of not getting President Pantsuit.)

roast beef

“Civility” my ponderous backside

Spitting on soldiers returning home and calling them baby killers.

Posing with antiaircraft guns used to shoot and kill American pilots.

Bill Ayers and the Weather Underground.

Earth First spiking trees.

Ronnie Ray Gun is a senile warmonger who’s going to get us all nuked.

No blood for oil.

Can’t we all just get along.

No justice, no peace.

It’s the economy, stupid.

Those are our planes now.

Vast right-wing conspiracy.

The GOP has put out a contract on America.

How can we learn when we’re hungry?

The Gingrinch that stole Christmas.

Bob Dole is a “dead man talking.”

Chimpy McBushitlerburton.

Bush lied, people died.

I’m sick of all the Bus**t.

Bush is Hitler.

John McCain is Hitler.

Mitt Romney is rich Hitler.

Donald Trump is literally Hitler.

Give them space to destroy.

If they bring a knife we bring a gun.

“Teabaggers.”

Get in their faces.

And of course, eighteen months of calling anyone to the right of Mao a “Nazi,” repeatedly depicting the murder of the President, and don’t forget attempting to assassinate Steve Scalise and other Republican congressmen.

 

Now you want to talk about “civility?”

nothowitworks

UPDATE: And need I even mention wishing that Anthony Kennedy, the justice who gave them their gay marriage ruling, had been shot?  Don’t even THINK of talking to me about “civility.”

The Smashed Banana: issue #1

Viral Image Turns Out To Have Nothing To Do With Immigration

New Tazewell, TN–An image circulating in social media as an example of children separated from their parents by ICE agents has been decried as “inaccurate” and “fake news.” It was discovered only after the image achieved viral status that the children pictured are actually local residents and are the children of Kevin Macomber, 34, who was arrested on charges of manufacturing methamphetamine.

The children, ages 5 and 8, were photographed during the arrest by Jackson Cross, 25, a local newspaper reporter who posted the image to his paper’s Twitter feed.  Within hours, Cross stumbled upon his own image on a pro-illegal immigration and anti-Trump Facebook group with a caption and story about ICE agents having ripped them from their father’s arms at the border.

“Yeah, it was completely inaccurate,” Cross said, “but I still felt like it captured the spirit of the whole situation, even though this family has absolutely nothing to do with immigration at all. So I didn’t tell them to take it down.”

Cross added, “They look like they could be Mexican in that light don’t they? Guatemalan maybe?”

The image, which had been called “iconic” and “damning” of the Trump administration’s zero-tolerance illegal immigration policy but had no effect on the public image of meth producers in the middle South, briefly spurred local activists to attempt to demand the reunification of the Macomber family.

“It is, like, unacceptable that our fascist immigration laws and the Nazis in ICE are treating this family like criminals, okay?” said Kayla Truman, 19, a sophomore at the University of Tennessee-Knoxville. “I mean, they got all the way here from the border and nobody even noticed, why don’t we just leave them alone?”

A protest held outside the local Department of Health and Human Services that is overseeing the foster placement of the Macomber children dispersed quickly after Mr. Macomber arrived to address the assembled crowd, telling them “I might be a meth head but I sure ain’t no damn Mexican.”

cartoon-crying

Photo inset: artist’s rendition of crying child, also having nothing to do with illegal immigration.

 


Masked Protestors Explain They Are “Against Fascism”

Washington D.C.–In a dramatically blunt stroke of self-unawareness, unnamed spokesmen for a loosely affiliated group of masked violent protestors nationwide declared that they are “opposing fascism.”

“We are proudly standing up in resistance to the fascist Trump/Pence administration!” an unnamed masked individual in a group of similarly dressed and masked protesters shouted into a bullhorn before handing off the megaphone and ducking behind an AntiFa flag.  The next person in line beside him proceeded to shout down counterprotestors by leading the group in a chant of “This is what democracy looks like!”

“Your tyranny is over, privileged white cis male scum!” yelled another unidentifiable black-clad marcher as she lit a placard marked “FREE SPEECH” on fire. “F**k you and your hate speech!”

Antifa on free speech

Photo inset: Irony

A cluster of about a dozen such protesters stormed into a local restaurant where they had been told several Republican staffers and Capitol Police were having lunch.  They proceeded to stand directly behind random people, chanting “Hey hey, ho ho, fascist pigs have got to go!” until they successfully drove every non-minority out of the establishment.

“They stood there and cheered for a minute after the last white guy got up and left, then they took some selfies and just kinda wandered off,” said Ruben Hernandez, 32, an off-duty Capitol Police officer who witnessed the incident. “I’m sure the Chik-Fil-A down the street appreciated the extra business.”


Disney Announces “Solo” Sequel Will Feature Han Continually Shooting First

Orlando, FL–Following the lackluster reception of “Solo: A Star Wars Story” at the box office, Disney has announced the next installment in the Star Wars cinematic universe will be a sequel wherein the iconic privateer Han Solo shoots first throughout the entire film.

In a press release announcing “Solo 2” Disney stated the following: “We realize that several of the writers, directors, and publicists involved with the recent movies in the Star Wars franchise have hinted at or outright said that they’re not interested in making movies for traditional Star Wars fans anymore.  In the interest of not continuing to hemorrhage money and trying to draw some of those fans back so that we might continue to use Star Wars as a viable vehicle for social justice messages, we have gone back to what the fans have told us they really want for years now, and that is for Han to shoot first.  And he’s going to.  Over and over again.”

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a member of Disney’s writing team for the new “Solo” movie gave us this synopsis of “Solo 2.” “You know how James Bond films open with the sight trying to line up on him and then he shoots at the camera?  Yeah, we’re gonna do that, except Han’s gonna shoot it before you even see him.  Then we’re gonna start off the movie with a Gungan in a bar, and he’s just gonna keel over with a blaster shot to the back, and Han’s gonna walk in, and someone at the bar’s just gonna say “Meesa people gonna die” and everyone’s just gonna bust out laughing.  Then pretty much the whole rest of the movie will just be 108 minutes of Han Solo walking into a room and shooting something.  Ewoks, Hutts, Twi’lek, droids, you name it, Han’s gonna shoot it first.”

The writer added, “Especially that droid from the last movie, L-whatever the number was.  He’s gonna shoot that thing a whole bunch of times.  First.”

Fans’ reaction to the announcement has been mixed but generally positive.

“Is there supposed to be some kind of plot here or are they just that desperate to get our money again?” asked Greg Jensen, 43, a lifelong Star Wars fan who did not even bother seeing “Solo.” “Still, I guess it really can’t be any worse than The Last Jedi.”

 

2018, The Smashed Banana.  Democracy Dies With Applesauce.

Coming soon–new series

When I ended the regular weekly installments of Words That Leftists Should Not Use, I noted that I wondered how it would affect my posting regularity not to have a “scheduled” time to at least say “hey, I’m taking a week off.”  Considering that at least until this past week there’s been a marked decline in the frequency of my posts I think I’m seeing that the regular series at least keeps me honest.  So in the interest of keeping up both your interest and my own, I’m planning to kick off two new series in the very near future.

The first will be a new weekly entitled “Lies We Tell Children.”  It’ll likely be shorter than Well Behaved Women or WTLSNU because it’s been an idea I’ve had for a while and even after letting it sit for a while I still only have about ten subjects, but maybe like WTLSNU it’ll expand as it progresses.  The second is going to be a less regular but potentially indefinite series I’m calling “The Smashed Banana,” and these will be satire/parody news in the style of The Onion and The Babylon Bee.  For anyone who is not yet familiar with the Bee, it’s essentially a conservative Christian-leaning version of the classic The Onion, but as much as it’s a noble effort, it kind of lacks The Onion’s bite.  So in essence, “The Smashed Banana” will be my own efforts to see if I can’t do any better.

So I’ll see you next week for the first installment of “Lies We Tell Children,” and watch this space for the first issue of “The Smashed Banana,” coming soon.

 

Another fake news rakeface moment

Apologies for the spelling and grammar errors, I did not create this image.  It speaks for itself.

Of course, it’s getting around fast that Time is responsible for a lot more intentional errors than there are grammar mistakes in this one meme.

the real story

 

For more information:

https://twitchy.com/dougp-3137/2018/06/22/narrativestotally-busted-border-patrol-agent-shares-real-story-behind-viral-photo-used-as-symbol-of-family-separation-video/

Regarding the narrative shift

John Hayward posted this tweet this afternoon:

He’s right and it’s important to realize why.  The first and obvious reason is going back to catch-and-release means going back to a wet cheesecloth border.  It means the flow of illegals will increase because they will be able to get in and disappear and no one will be any the wiser and the Democrats will insist there’s no point in even trying to find them all except until it’s time to vote at which point they’ll all somehow mysteriously be locatable by Democrats driving vans to the polls.

The second and less obvious reason is that if President Trump backs down on zero tolerance without getting substantial concessions otherwise or getting significant progress done on the wall, it’s pretty much over for him and the GOP.  The Democrats are talking a big game like their “blue wave” hasn’t turned to piss in the wind but they were watching the primaries.  They know Trumpian candidates won and GOP-E types got sent home or had uphill fights.  If they can break President Trump on his signature issue, if they can make him break this promise of all promises, that’s really their only hope left for the midterms and for 2020.  Getting illegals in and voting will just be the icing on the cake if they pull that off.

Stripping the gears shifting the narrative

The narrative’s gonna need a transmission overhaul after this.

Earlier today President Trump announced there would be an executive order forthcoming that would end the separation of children from their illegal border crossing parents.  Before the order was actually entered, such luminaries as Linda “My Name Means Cockroach For Real” Sarsour and various fake news personalities were already lighting into it because it purported to call for…keeping families together?  Yes folks, the people who have been wailing for the past week about “ripping children from their parents’ arms” are now getting ready to wail about “detaining families together.”  Which pretty much demonstrates that what many of us have been saying all along is correct, that they don’t actually give a good damn about the kids involved, they don’t care about discouraging illegal border crossings, they want to go back to the ineffective catch-and-release practice and they want to end zero-tolerance border enforcement.

To my understanding, President Trump’s EO does keep families together…in detention.  Zero-tolerance ain’t goin’ anywhere, kiddies, but illegal alien border crossers will be detained together and deported together under this executive order.  And this ranges from a very good thing to a not at all bad thing, even if it has a little feeling of “caving in” about it.  Let me explain why.  First of all, from the outset there were two options.  We could either put kids into adult lockup with their parents, or we could put them into some kind of care separately.  Let’s be very clear here: cutting them loose with a summons so they could promptly not show up for court to be deported was not and is not an option.  Now, for either of these actual choices, the left was going to scream.  If the kids were separated from their parents then we’d have the hysterics we’ve been seeing for the past few days.  If they were put in jail with their parents then we’d have heard equally overwrought histrionics about “putting babies in jail” along with horrific tales of the inevitable rapes and assaults that would happen when you put small children in a lockup with criminal adults.  And make no mistake, we’re going to hear those horror stories now.  The Trump administration made its initial call based on what was first of all the objectively safest thing to do for the kids concerned, secondly was literally no different than what happens to any other criminal parent, and finally, was actually legal.

You see, technically, putting kids in adult lockup is in violation of a consent decree from the Billy Jeff years.  Some folks are already predicting a judge is going to waltz out and strike this executive order down, others have pointed out that for all the bloviating, no federal judge came out to “strike down” zero tolerance.  The important thing to remember is that from the outset, the Democrats and the rest of the amnesty shills were going to scream at anything that was not catch and release.  They had canned lines and talking points loaded and ready to go for either contingency–as will be obvious now as that squealing sound you hear followed by the terrible crunch of garbled nonsense indicates a high-speed shifting of narrative gears.  Because despite how this may feel like a typical GOP cave-in, I think this looks like Trump-jitsu at work.

We are about to hear the selfsame people who wailed and cried and invoked Nazi Germany over and over again for a solid week about “ripping children from their parents” and filibustering any attempts to argue in response to their unearned moral high ground now try to tell us how it’s awful NOT to separate these illegal border crossing families and how horrible we are to be sending them all home together.  The faster the amnesty shills ditch their old narrative and pivot on two wheels to the new one, the more obvious it will be to the normals that they were never serious about keeping families together at all.  Come on, did anyone really believe that the statist left was actually incensed about CPS taking custody of children?  The left did not care one bit more about these children than the parents who willingly endangered them in order to use them as leverage to cross the border.

Meanwhile we have two potential scenarios from here.  One, a federal judge loudly strikes down this executive order, at which point President Trump is entirely justified in going back out and saying “I tried, I signed the order to end separation of families and this is what happens, so over to you Congress–like I said should happen in the first place.”  And then Congress bears the responsibility for actually coming up with something that can pass muster and get the President’s signature.  Or two, the EO stands, detentions and deportations proceed, and inevitably someone gets assaulted or raped in detention.  At which point President Trump is again entirely justified in going back out and saying “this is why we were separating the kids in the first place.”  And that would still be the fault of the parents who risked their kids’ lives to put them in that situation to begin with, NOT the fault of the people enforcing immigration law.

I do have to acknowledge that there is a third potential scenario, and that is we’re in for another week of autistic screeching followed by President Trump doing another EO in which he throws in the towel and ends zero tolerance, and goes back to catch-and-release.  It’s possible, but it’s a far outlier.  I don’t think we got here by accident and I don’t think this timing is forced.  Furthermore, both the support for zero tolerance among Republicans and President Trump’s own overall approval numbers (even from the fake news) indicate that he’s got no reason to alter his course.  If he does, well, I’ll be wrong, and I’ll accept it.  But I’m not worried.  If he does I’ll have a lot bigger things to worry about than being wrong.

The left is accustomed to backing Republicans into a corner where they cower and wilt until they finally give in to the pressure and let the left have its way.  I honestly think what President Trump is doing here is turning their own arrogance against them as much as he is using their own tactics to counter-manipulate them.  He dragged this fabricated outrage out long enough to bring it to a fever pitch and get the amnesty crew all on record about how separating families was the worstest thing anyone could ever possibly do (ignoring that it happens to criminals every damn day), and now he’s flipped the table.  Again.  This is neither unexpected, nor unplanned, nor is it forced, and it is definitely not a loss.  As long as zero tolerance remains intact, then the important part of immigration enforcement is getting done, and the left will continue to demonstrate that for all their loud crying about how much they care, they never saw these people as anything but political tools.  If they really actually gave a damn, they’d stop encouraging unfortunates to try to cross the border illegally and endanger their children’s lives just for the purpose of using them as “get out of detention free” cards.  But because we actually want to discourage that horrible practice and shut down the coyotes and the human traffickers we are the bad guys.  Not how it works, children.

trump-relax