Well behaved women, chapter 12–New Year’s Day special edition

2016 is in the books and what a year it was.  It promises to be the gift that keeps on giving for a long, long time to come.  As we enter this new year we have yet another terrorist attack, this one in an Istanbul nightclub, while the lefties who spent decades crying about “warmongering” and fantasizing about a Cold War where the Russians won are screaming about Donald Trump’s tweets calling Vladimir Putin’s decision not to escalate the situation Barry the Man-Child caused “smart.”  These retards who had no issue with Saudi Arabia bankrolling their party, leaving national security secrets out in a homebrew email server in a bathroom in Colorado for any fifteen year old with a smartphone to find, and abandoning both men and territory for personal political gain now have the utter gall to say Trump’s words praising Putin for NOT starting World War III are “borderline treason.”  Meanwhile all us old Cold Warriors are reluctantly finding ourselves more and more inclined to the side of the ex-KGB Russkie strongman because bizarrely enough he’s more reasonable than our own State Department and CIA–at least until the adults finally get home in three weeks.

We live in bizarre times.

Anyway, while we’re on the theme of new beginnings, let’s take today’s installment of well behaved women making history and poorly behaved women making historical disasters down that theme and talk about another Biblical figure who is as much legendary as she is historic, the great-great-grandma of all humanity, Eve.  I’ll start by saying I’m not out to argue with anyone whether Eve was an actual person or not, I don’t care and it’s not relevant to the point here.  We’re taking the Genesis account at face value for purposes of this post.

That said, Eve was the pinnacle of God’s creation.  She was the final living thing created, blessed with the gift of inhabiting the most beautiful and intricate construct in all of the universe, the human female body.  She and Adam, whom she was custom-made to partner with and parent the human race alongside, lived in an existence where all their needs and desires were provided for, in a state of immortal innocence.  I don’t believe it’s ever guessed at how long they lived in the Garden of Eden, it just had to be long enough to allow Satan to figure out how to sneak in and screw everything up but probably wasn’t long enough for Eve to get pregnant and start being fruitful and multiplying.  Weeks, maybe months?  Doesn’t much matter.

What matters is Adam and Eve had one rule, and that was don’t eat from this one tree over here.  Some people think that the “Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil” was an apple tree, and for all I know it might have been.  I honestly don’t think that the forbidden tree had any kind of “magical” properties, but rather the act of eating from it was the deliberate disobedience that shattered the immortal innocence of paradise.  And the tool the devil used to get humans to violate that sole condition was nothing less than female vanity.  We don’t know how long Adam existed prior to Eve’s creation (and in fact there are possible internal contradictions in the Genesis account) but it’s generally accepted that Adam was created first and existed long enough for God to determine that it wasn’t good for him to be there with just the animals, and that Eve was actually created from a part of Adam.  So apparently going after Adam either didn’t work or wasn’t a bet that Satan wanted to make… and then there were women.  The serpent flattered Eve and told her, the being created by God as human v. 2.0 to perfectly fulfill a role and trigger every wire in the other half of humanity’s brain to adore and protect her, that being the capstone of the universe was not enough.  He told Eve eating this fruit, breaking this rule, would make her like God himself.

Eve, being a woman, fell for it.  From which you get periods, and PMS, and labor pains, and resentment of men, and oh yeah, death and disease and such things.

But wait, you might say.  Adam ate the fruit too, you might point out, and you’d be right.  But remember, Adam ate it because Eve told him to–and she already had.  Adam’s choice was to do what he had been told to do and remain in paradise alone, or violate God’s one order and in so doing remain with the most beautiful creature in all creation.  There’s a legend that says Eve was not the first woman created, but rather the first mate created for Adam was named Lilith, and she also ate of the tree.  In the story of Lilith, when she approaches Adam to give him the fruit, Adam refuses and Lilith alone is banished.  Lilith dies and Eve replaces her.  Whether this has any truth to it or not, whether Adam knew the pain of losing the woman he loved or whether he only feared it, it’s clear that Adam preferred the consequences of defying God to losing Eve, whereas Eve gave no thought to the ramifications her behavior would have for Adam.

You sure made history, Grandma Eve.  You sure showed them who’s boss.  And everyone who has ever suffered and died has paid the price for the history Eve made, for nothing more than her own vanity.  Think on that as you remember what we accomplished in 2016.

Next week, we’ll have a better example and a better result.

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