So I was thinking about the threats and wailing from California about wanting to secede from the United States in the wake of Trump’s win. I’m all for it but I know right now all it is is a bunch of squalling infants who will cry and scream and hurt some innocent people and it’ll come to nothing. We’re also hearing about online petitions being done to tell the electors of the electoral college not to vote Trump.
Well, I am seriously considering putting up my own online petition. If they can do it, so can we. My petition proposal will be as follows: to excise four chunks of land from the United States and create one new country about the size of Italy and three city-states roughly the size of Andorra. Those chunks of land will be southern California, Portland Oregon, Seattle Washington, and New York City. Everybody wins–they all get their progressive leftist utopias and we get to be rid of them, at least until they sneak back in in about 25 years.
Why these places? Several reasons. Southern California is obvious–even in its less urban regions this is undeniably the bluest part of the country. We’ll keep the redder regions in the very north of the state and probably end up with a chunk about the size of Kentucky, while the southern bulk of the state can go and do what it will. Get annexed to Mexico, see if we care.
Why not the northeast? As the close race in New Hampshire and Maine’s second congressional district demonstrate, while New England is consistently blue, it is not as deeply blue as these other regions. As a former resident of New England, I can attest that New England’s Democrat leanings are fueled in large part by the strange phenomenon of rural Democrats, honest farmers and hard workers who go along with what the cities like Portland and Boston and Providence want to do because they have good hearts and really aren’t very smart, to be blunt. Seriously, I knew more farmers and loggers and fishermen who are the precise people who the Democrats make fun of for being dumb hicks who bought the Democrat line and thought they were being good people by voting for them because while they were honest, decent people they were on the whole about as bright as their farm implements.
So why those three cities? If those, why not other leftist bastions like Austin, or Chicago, or Burlington Vermont, to just use a few examples? Several reasons. Taking my three examples just to illustrate things, let’s start with Austin. Austin is entirely landlocked within the state of Texas which creates massive logistical problems when the inevitable border squabbles happen, especially since blue lefty Austin and its surroundings in red Texas will not be the friendliest of neighbors. Seems to me they’ll be portraying themselves as the new West Berlin as soon as they don’t get their way on something and that’s just a headache we don’t need. While they’re all part of the same state and country there’s grudging peace, but if Austin was suddenly as foreign as their philosophy then I don’t think good things would happen, and the idea here is not to set these places up to just get overrun and re-annexed.
Chicago has a similar problem. It borders on a Great Lake and because all the lakes are connected it is not entirely landlocked, but that’s a very narrow path and it’s entirely owned by the United States and Canada. I also think Chicago’s issue is not that it is so deeply philosophically blue, but that it’s deeply corrupt and entrenched in dependency. Washington D.C. and Baltimore (among others) have the same issue, I don’t believe that they’re as much blue as they are the result of blue leftist policies and the ensuing rot. As such, even though they have a free port and (more or less) unrestricted access to the rest of the world I think these cities would be doomed to fail before they got off the ground, not because of their own errors but because of other people’s foolishness and evil, and the people who’d suffer for it are the ones stuck there and suffering for it now, not the committed socialist elites made to lie in their own bed.
Burlington also has the landlock issue but in addition it’s just too small. You couldn’t include enough surrounding territory to make the city self-sustaining without cutting deep into the rural red of Vermont, and if you just declared Burlington its own sovereign nation they would be almost entirely reliant on trade to survive–and they have nothing to trade. They are a college town for pity’s sake, their entire stock in trade is leftist malarkey. Their colleges are pricey enough without being foreign, so once you have to pay a tariff on your leftist indoctrination it’s going to be even less of a market than they have to start with. And while you may think it would be poetic justice for them all to live in Venezuela-style squalor, the fact is that’s not what would happen. They’d leave. Some would go to Canada, some would go abroad, but most would end up back in Vermont somewhere or elsewhere in the United States, and once Burlington was a ghost town we’d just reabsorb it and have to spend twenty years cleaning out the cockroaches. The idea here is not to be cruel nor is it to set up a situation where these people come right back once we’re rid of them.
Portland, Seattle, and NYC have a lot going for them. They’re all coastal cities with unrestricted port access, meaning they’re not landlocked and can do their thing without walking across their red neighbors’ lawns. They’re big enough when including their surrounding contaminated communities to sustain themselves with sufficient resources and business to engage in trade with their neighbors–they’ll more than likely need to negotiate for water with their former states or build desalination plants for ocean water, which we know lefties hate. They’re also deep, pure blue, not a drop of red in sight. Furthermore, doing this in coastal cities and regions only keeps the Balkanization of the nation to a minimum–the last thing we want is to set off a chain reaction that results in a mass breakup of the USA, we just want to cut out the cancers.
But what about Silicon Valley, you ask? So what? The tech industry has been migrating to Texas for years now. Let businesses decide where they want to set up–the social justice warrior corporations will stick it out in SoCal until they succumb to the inevitable results of socialism while the market will yank businesses that are in this for profit to friendlier ground. We’ll still be sending them billions of dollars for Hollywood movies and giving them billions more for our vacations, and they’ve got a powerful breadbasket to keep their citizens fed. They’ll still be sneaking across our border inside of a generation but they are certainly capable of sustaining themselves. It won’t be resources, it’ll be ideology.
As for New York City, it’s not written anywhere that the New York Stock Exchange or any business has to be headquartered there. Hell, it might be good for the country as a whole for businesses and major corporations to scatter and spread out as states across the country compete to be their new homes. They can keep Broadway.
Much as I like this idea (and am seriously thinking about actually starting an online petition for it), I know it will never happen UNLESS the rest of the country does it. These twits can squall and whine and riot and promise to leave if they don’t get their way but they won’t ever go anywhere for one huge reason: once SoCal and Portland and Seattle and New York are no longer part of the United States, they can’t tell the rest of us what to do anymore. They won’t be able to set up a village to raise OUR kids, they won’t be able to force someone to bake a cake for whatever reason, they won’t be able to stop us from fracking or slap a carbon tax on dairy cows, they won’t be able to mandate wearing bicycle helmets or hiring grievance groups or using whatever pronoun you woke up feeling like today. The rest of us see this as the good part–the Democrats will lose the vast bulk of their guaranteed electoral votes and Congressional seats and in return they won’t have to deal with us gap-toothed flyover country hicks anymore…but they also won’t be able to make laws for the hicks anymore either. That alone will give them enough pause to make them give it up, like a rebellious kid realizing that the roof over his head and WiFi and pizza on Sunday night don’t pay for themselves.
So I say we get together and give these people their greatest wish. They got to tell us what they wanted, and get it, one last time. Donald Trump doesn’t have to be your president, not if you’re a citizen of the Independent Socialist Democratic People’s Republic of Portland. Don’t phrase it as kicking them out, but rather, we’re helping them set up their new digs. Like a belligerent college kid moving out of his parents’ home, it’s not that we hate you, but it’s time for you to do your own thing and let us do ours. If you’re right, if your ideas and theories and nutball policies really do work, you’ll be fine. If not, well, that’s life kiddo. These new nations will have a built-in protector and trade partner, they’ll have as good a start as any new nation ever did, but they’re going to have to make it on their own, ’cause we’re turning their room into a home theater.